she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
