I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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