I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
