meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize