If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
