thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
