He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
