What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
