do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize