I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
