if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
