My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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