why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
