is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
