Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Less talking, more tequila
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize