Apparently you make a good broom.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
