I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize