they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
