yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
