Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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