The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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