I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
