On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
