They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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