a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
