First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
