I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
