Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
