what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
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