I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
