I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize