How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
