I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize