i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
