What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
