Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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