U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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