went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
