I saw his package. It spoke to me.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You have to summon your inner elephant
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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