My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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