just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
