am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
