oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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