If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
