i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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