Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
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