she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
