need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
This is my gift to your gina
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize