FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
