if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
