So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You're earring is so big in my mouth
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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