I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
