i think my tv is drunk
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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