I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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