where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
