mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
wanna go halves on a baby?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
