I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm too high and old for this...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
