Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
