Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
