I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
