Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
