you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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