I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Is Oprah even human
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
