Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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